iTrust You
by chasingafterstarlight
Summary: Sam has trust issues; this isn't something she needs to be told./ Sam/Freddie drabble oneshot, Sam-centered.


**Hey, people. I decided to write something a bit different than what I usually write. This is a Sam-centered, drabble-based oneshot, basically telling Sam's story. REVIEW! Even if you don't like it, it's a good thing to do.**

**iTrust You**

They push at her.

They call her a nerd, they all do, and she can't take it anymore, she's going to **b r e a k** if she hears it one more time.

That's why she's relieved when her mom tells her that they're moving.

She can't be that way anymore (it's torture, pure torture) so when she hears the news, she decides she can't be that wimpy girl anymore. It's the worst thing possible. Then, she (at only five years old) figures out the only sure way out of this- if she can't be the nerd, she'll be the bully.

She works up strength off of the protein bars that she takes from her dad's cabinet ("WHO TOOK ALL MY PROTEIN BARS?") and lifts her daddy's weights ("Goodness, Samantha, what are you doing that for? You're a precious little girl, not a little boy.")

That's when she informs her dad that she is no longer Samantha.

That's when she becomes Sam, the bully.

SAM SAM SAM

She doesn't get it, doesn't understand when her mom says that her dad is staying behind. She loves her daddy as any little girl should, unconditionally.

Her daddy hugs her tight (I love you, Samantha) and for this one time, Sam doesn't object.

That's when she makes the rule that her father, and only her father, can call her Samantha.

Tears run down the little girl's face as she sees her father for the last time, smiling and waving as they drive away.

SAM SAM SAM

Melanie Puckett is the bane of her existence.

She flounces around in pink skirts with matching bows, and everyone compliments her, but no one compliments little Sam in the background with her overalls. Melanie's hair is in a high ponytail with a big pink bow, while Sam's is tied in tight braids.

Melanie's what made her decide to hate pink and ponytails.

Sam's favorite color is blue (it has been, always will be), the blue in her eyes that match those of her father (it's the only remnant she has left, you know), but Melanie has no explanation for her love of pink (It's so pretty!).

Melanie is the opposite of Sam, girly and _weak. _She's everything Sam wanted to be but no longer could be (how could she forget the tormenting?). She's no longer little weak Sam. However, Melanie is never teased at school (of course not, she's _perfect_) and Sam doesn't understand why _Melanie _can be weak and she can't.

The final reason why Sam hates Melanie is because her mother loves Melanie better (she always has). Melanie takes ballet, Melanie's smart, Melanie's good in school. Of course, her mother tends to forget that Sam was once much better in school (she tends to forget Melanie's faults, and Sam's good parts).

Sam can never be like Melanie.

And that's the main reason why she hates her.

SAM SAM SAM

On her first day at her new school (Ridgeway Elementary, so creative), she meets Carly Shay.

At first, she doesn't like her (she acts too much like Melanie) but Sam sees her potential when she takes her sandwich back and decides to take her under her wing.

It soon annoys her when she finds out that, just like Melanie, Carly is everybody's little angel. She shouldn't have expected any different. Carly is way too nice to everybody, even those she dislikes. And that…it makes her madder then she would've expected.

When Sam first meets Carly, her dad is there, always protecting his 'little angel.' He's a nice man, but he reminds Sam way too much of her own father (the one that got taken away from her). Because of this, there's a tiny tiny _tiny _piece of Sam that's glad when Carly's dad leaves.

She shouldn't be feeling this way.

Carly's the first person Sam ever let come close enough to her to know the Sam that's wayyy deep inside. That's the Sam that's nice, kind, sweet….the Sam that _no one _sees.

She doesn't tell Carly why.

Carly doesn't need to know why Sam has her _façade._

SAM SAM SAM

A few weeks later, Freddie Benson moves in across the hall from Carly.

At first glance, Sam knows who he is. He's the old Sam (Samantha), the nerdy dork who was smart. He's who she still has a slight longing to be and she _hates him for it_.

She never gives an explanation for her constant tormenting (because I feel like it, dork!) but she keeps up the teasing anyway. She figures that this is the only way to stop people from tormenting her. And _boy_, does it feel good.

Freddie pretends like he it doesn't hurt him, but she knows it does because she's been through the same thing.

There's a little nagging deep inside of her (what's left of the old her) that tells her this is wrong, wrong, _wrong_, but the new Sam doesn't care. But she can't pretend that there's not a small twinge of hurt inside of her that flares up when she sees the obvious hurt in his eyes.

He says she has no feelings, but she does.

_More than he could ever know._

SAM SAM SAM

When she discovers Freddie's in love with Carly, it _hurts._

She knew he'd never fall in love with her (she makes his life miserable too much for that), but did it have to be Carly? She'd known Carly for longer. No way was she letting some nub take Carly away from her.

She tells herself that's the reason that Freddie's crush makes her feel so _betrayed._

It hurts whenever Freddie tells Carly all the true things about her because Sam knows they're true. Carly's _perfect_, the picture of the perfect girl. She's skinny, pretty, nice, sweet, gets good grades, she's _everything _and _everyone _loves her. There's nothing to love about Sam.

Freddie deserves Carly, and Sam deserves no one.

SAM SAM SAM

Spencer Shay is the first male adult that Sam comes to trust, after her father leaves.

Spencer's funny but weird, weird in ways that Sam thinks are funny. She finds herself enjoying spending time with him. He's so easy to like. She doesn't know for sure but she thinks he'll never leave her.

And in the time she's known him, he hasn't.

SAM SAM SAM

When iCarly starts, Sam finally has something worthwhile to invest her time into.

Instead of beating up 'nubs' like she usually does, she's on camera. She's finally the **center of attention **(something she's always craved, being second place to Melanie and Carly all her life). She's loved by those _thousands _of people that watch every week, and she's never felt better.

Even if she has to share her bit of the spotlight with Carly.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam hates _working._

All it does is make her tired, and in the end it's usually not even worth it, because something happens to ruin it (it's just her luck, isn't it?). She's usually more on the creative side. Rather than working to help iCarly, she comes up with creative and fun ideas for the show.

Which are usually shot down by Carly.

Oh well, at least she tries at something.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam's favorite comforter (whenever she's feeling down about something) is meat and _eating._

One day she realizes she's becoming fatter and fatter. She doesn't think much about it now (she's only 14) but this could be a problem in the future.

But for now, she chooses just not to think about it.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam can't _stand _it when Carly thinks she might have to move.

Though she also can't stand working with the nub (it's too darn _painful_), she teams up with him to salvage a plan so Carly can stay. She can't imagine life without her best friend… that would mean she might have to spend some more time with the nub then she already has to. Then she might become a dork again- oh, that can't happen.

When Carly finally gets to stay, the Fredward boy is obviously rejoicing more on the outside.

But Sam is rejoicing much more on the inside.

SAM SAM SAM

Nevel is just plain annoying.

He's one of those guys that Sam hates, nubby but annoying at the same time. He makes Freddie seem tolerable in her eyes. The thing that Sam hates most about the young, nerdy boy is that he might make her seem _just a bit _weaker than she is.

Because he keeps doing things to sabotage her web show, and she can't seem to do anything about it.

Nevel is finally beaten down, and Sam feels complete again.

SAM SAM SAM

Freddie begins dating Valerie, and Sam feels bad, bad, _bad._

She tells herself that it's because she knew Valerie was bad news from the start, but even Sam isn't that perceptive. She realizes that it has to be something else.

But what is it?

She can't believe it when Valerie wants her to be on her web show, and a part of her wants to agree because _nobody other than Carly _has ever wanted to do something with her like this. But then she remembers who she is (and who Valerie is), and sabotages the whole thing.

Freddie finally breaks up with Valerie, and Sam feels a huge wave of relief crash over her.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam has trust issues; this isn't something she needs to be told.

It started with her bullying as a child (some of the bullies were people she trusted), and only got worse when her father (the man in her life that she trusted the most) abandoned her.

Now she finds it impossible to _fully _trust someone other than Carly.

This is why she will not let Freddie in.

SAM SAM SAM

Nevel comes back.

She can't believe it (he's so freakin' annoying), and her hatred for him only worsens when she finds out that he also has a crush on C-A-R-L-Y. It's always Carly.

However, Nevel's return isn't the worst part. The worst part is when some friends of Carly's father aid them in driving Nevel away (they're just like family to Carly).

Sam doesn't even know her father's friends.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam seriously dislikes Mandy.

At first, Sam thought the girl to be okay, after she professed to be the show's biggest fan. But then she went all crazy on them and wouldn't leave them alone. Sam doesn't like people invading her privacy or personal space, and she won't find room in her heart to trust this girl.

But there's still a small part of her that adores the worship from Mandy.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam had become addicted to bullying Freddie.

She doesn't like him (of course not!) but bullying him and seeing his expressions of pain has become a regular habit for her now. At first, she thought the bet to be a done deal (SAM PUCKETT was surely strong enough), but as time went on and on she realized she _just couldn't take it anymore._

She was becoming more nubby and nubby by the day.

When Spencer handed her that wad of cash, she just said the first things that popped into her head. She didn't mind paying him.

She was paying him to keep the pain away.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam doesn't have many boyfriends.

One, she accidentally pushed out of a tree when she saw him kissing another girl (he dumped Sam afterwards, but it didn't matter, she was planning on dumping him). Others were just plain annoying or brought out her soft side, and bye, bye, bye they went.

So when the Jonah kid came along and liked Sam, she was more than willing.

He was sweet to her, everything she'd dreamed of in a relationship. Too bad all that went down the toilet when he went and tried to kiss _Carly._

_ Carly again._

When were people going to see that she could be just as good as Carly?

SAM SAM SAM

Sam needs Carly.

So when they were in one of their first major fights, she became depressed and for the first time resorted to slitting her wrist. She only did it once, but it felt so good.

She didn't need it for a while after that, but it did come back to haunt her.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam does bad things.

Everyone who knows Sam knows this. She's a tough one, and she uses her creative mind to think of bad ideas. She enjoys the thrill, the rush that comes from doing things and trying to avoid trouble.

Too bad trouble catches up with her eventually.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam _is _pushy and aggressive.

That's her personality, and she can't believe it when the manager of her TV show fires her for being these things. It's not like she could change her personality!

Well, she could, she's done it once already.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam does not enjoy people like Reuben.

Reuben is one of the most irritating people she's ever met, and she almost finds herself wishing she was on the date with Freddie. Anyone but him!

Did she just admit that?

She also wonders why Freddie's only dated/ liked brunettes. Shannon, Valerie, Carly…

What was wrong with her?

SAM SAM SAM

Sam finally finds a cute guy.

His name is Shane, and though he's a bit of a tech nerd, Sam takes a liking to him anyway. Too bad Carly likes him too.

Why does Carly always take what Sam has?

SAM SAM SAM

Sam hates jobs.

She doesn't understand why normal people with no need for money have them. She doesn't enjoy the way she feels, with all those people depending on her to serve them what they need. She's never been able to fulfill people's expectations. She's never been able to give them what they want.

What makes them think she'll start now?

SAM SAM SAM

Sam finally gets to leave the country.

She's always wanted to travel somewhere far, far away, but her dad left and her mom doesn't think much of her (or about her) so Sam just sits at home and watches while Carly goes on tons of fantasy vacations.

Vacations that Sam would _die _for.

Now she's going to Japan, and even though Carly's going with her, she feels a rage of excitement.

It's the same rage she feels when iCarly wins the iWeb Awards.

She's so excited (_she finally feels loved and important) _that she even hugs the nub, her nub. And (to her intense surprise) it feels nice.

But she pulls away, as she always does.

_Can't get too close, he's a guy._

SAM SAM SAM

Sam had never been kissed.

She doesn't tell people that often, well, up until the _incident _no one knew. Then it all got twisted. In a sick attempt to pay the dork back for one of his stupid pranks (_handcuffing her to Gibby? Really?_) she ends up revealing his secret (_he'd never kissed a girl either. That makes her feel slightly better). _

Another thing she doesn't tell people often is that she _actually does care about Freddie_, and his feelings, so she fixes it all (almost). She threatens the viewers (they better not tease him anymore). Then she goes out to the fire escape and finds Freddie.

_And they kissed. _

It wasn't like it meant anything, though.

SAM SAM SAM

Nevel's back again.

_What's his problem? _It's like he can't get enough of destroying iCarly.

Just like she can't get enough of destroying others.

Sadly, they have something in common.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam likes Pete.

After hearing criticism from him about her 'aggressiveness", she deduces he really likes girly-girls (like Melanie and Carly) so she decides to become one, if but for just one night. He tells her she looks good and she feels pretty for once. With Carly around (and Freddie, forever drooling over her), it's often hard for her to feel that way.

Then Jocelyn comes around and Sam has to defend herself.

Good thing Pete didn't care, though he later broke up with her.

For guess who?

SAM SAM SAM

Carly's dating someone else.

Sam pretends that she doesn't care, though the guy Carly's dating his H-O-T. Great, yet another guy Carly manipulates into falling in love with her.

She shouldn't be thinking that way, Carly's her best friend.

But then Carly breaks up with him for his love of PeeWee babies, and Sam can't help but think that that's a bit of a stupid reason to break up with someone.

_Maybe Carly's not as perfect as she originally thought._

SAM SAM SAM

She officially _loathes _Missy.

For whatever reason, Missy's intent on destroying her life (great, yet another person on the let's-gang-up-on-Sam side). Sam doesn't know what to do (Carly doesn't believe her, for the first time). Finally she just decides to turn to Freddork (for lack of other resources) and surprisingly, he helps her out.

She's shocked but happy.

Then she hears him admit he cares about her, and she'll never admit how happy that made her.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam watches as Freddie dates Melanie.

He thinks it's her, he thinks she's kidding him, but even Sam couldn't pull that elaborate of a practical joke. She laughs as Melanie goes through the whole process, down to kissing him. Freddie still thinks it was Sam the whole time.

Maybe because, for once, she gave in and let him win.

SAM SAM SAM

Carly finds out Sam kissed Freddie.

Sam didn't think it was that big a deal. She accidentally told Carly, and then Carly began to freak out about it. Freddie wasn't too thrilled with it either, though he knew it was an accident. Carly then asked them if they liked it.

They never got to answer, but Sam knew what her answer would be.

SAM SAM SAM

Freddie likes Carly better.

She knew it all along, but it is confirmed when she sees him dancing with Carly in the Groovy Smoothie.

She cuts herself again, a straight line down her wrist and watches as the blood oozes out.

She'll always be second-best.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam and Carly are in a fight again.

Sam finally knows what Carly truly thinks of her, that she doesn't do any work at all. Which is partly true, but it's not exactly something she wants to hear. It hurts her deeply- considering her low self-esteem (for a bully). Though she'd never tell anyone this, she spent an hour in her room crying over the fight.

Oh, well, at least Freddie's (partly) taking her side.

Soon, she was friends again with Carly.

SAM SAM SAM

Freddie's dating Carly.

Sam looks in the mirror and realizes why Freddie must like Carly better. When Sam looks in the mirror, all she sees is fat, fat, FAT.

She stops eating (just until they break up), and two more slashes appear on her wrist.

She can't take it.

Finally, she explains the real situation to an unwilling Freddie. Finally, he broke up with Carly.

She can't explain why it hurt her so bad.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam was a pageant girl.

It was the only time she could beat Melanie at something, and she took advantage of that fact most of the time. She always loved the thrill of winning, though at pageants she usually got second place- as always.

There should be a name for that- Second Place Sam.

Then she got in the pageant industry again, and she placed FIRST this time, beating 99-Pageant Leanne Carter.

But Freddie and Spencer couldn't take one second to appreciate her win.

_Why did that bother her so much?_

**SAM SAM SAM**

Sam has been to juvie all too many times.

She can't even count how many on both her hands. However, this time is different because she's letting her friends down.

Oh, well, it's not too out of character for Sam.

SAM SAM SAM

Sam thinks Nora is a big nub.

Nora is way too desperate, going to the extent of kidnapping people so that they would be her friends.

Maybe she dislikes her so much because Nora reminds Sam of Sam as a kid.

SAM SAM SAM

She and Freddie are getting closer.

She notices, it's way too obvious. They talk much more than they ever did before now and they almost seem like friends. Sam doesn't want them to be friends, she doesn't want to be close to anyone but Carly, but at the same time she does.

Her life is so confusing.

SAM SAM SAM

Spencer burns down Carly's room.

Sam really should care more, since Carly is her best friend. Well, even perfect little Carly deserves to have bad things happen to her sometimes. Though it doesn't stay bad for long, soon her room is back and better than ever.

Oh, things always go Carly's way.

SAM SAM SAM

Carly starts to date Freddie again.

Sam can't take it; she knows she can't, so she stops eating altogether. Carly and Freddie don't notice, they're too caught up in their romance.

Then, one day, Sam cuts herself again. Moments afterward, she realizes it's a little too deep for her liking and it bleeds all over the place. Freddie, who's come over to see her (he realizes that maybe he and Carly are a bit too overbearing) sees her and takes her to the emergency room.

_Maybe she could trust him, after all._

SAM SAM SAM

Freddie has stopped dating Carly.

Sam doesn't get an explanation or anything of the sort. Just a phone call from Freddie, a quick, "Carly and I broke up,", then a beep.

She wants to know why.

SAM SAM SAM

Carly's in the hospital, Sam learns.

Clinical depression, they tell her. Carly will have to stay in there for a while. Sam gazes over her sleeping best friend and notices the scars (identical to her own) covering both her pale, milky wrists. Sam is glad they haven't found out about her scars.

She pats Carly's cheek and leaves.

SAM SAM SAM

She runs into Freddie, whose face is twisted abnormally in pain.

For the first time in her life (or so she thinks), she feels concern for the boy. "What's going on, Freddie?"

He gives her a lasting look of pain and dashes off.

She follows suit. He turns around to glare at her, but he doesn't realize how close she really is, and his lips brush hers. They continue kissing and kissing and kissing, until she pulls away and runs.

She knows he would hurt her.

SAM SAM SAM

He's left 3 voicemails and sent her 2 texts.

She doesn't respond to any of them. She doesn't feel like explaining her trust issues and such to a boy who doesn't even love her.

He's just like all the others.

SAM SAM SAM

He ends up at her house.

She opens the door, her blue orbs glaring daggers into him. He appears unfazed. "Hi, Sam."

"What do you want?" Sam hisses, not in the mood to talk to him (she doesn't know if she ever will be).

"To talk to you." He frowns at her. "Listen, Sam, you know as well as I what happened back there in the hospital-"

She cuts him off, unwilling to listen to his rants. "Yeah, I do. What's your point?"

"My point is, what do you want to do about it?" He yells in frustration. She's not used to seeing him all riled up, she likes it.

She cocks an eyebrow. "What makes you think I want to date a dork?"

He rolls his eyes. "Sam…that's not the point here and you know it. You're hiding something, and I know it."

She's let him in more than she thought, and she hates it. Scowling, she tells him, "I have trust issues, okay? You're going to hurt me, I know it."

He gives her a concerned look, "Sam, I would never hurt you," and then his lips are on hers and for those few minutes _she believes it._

For those few minutes, she finally knows the meaning of trust. She finally understands why all those times she felt like she did.

She trusts him.

**How was that? Good, bad? Please review! I know it switches tenses and such a couple of times, but that's what makes it different- it's just a bunch of drabbles.**


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